I’m going to give you three statements and as you read them, try to be aware of how each one makes you feel.
- When I forgive people and accept them the way they are I am so much happier.
- Grandma always told me “If you want to be happy, forgive people and accept them the way they are.”
- You need to forgive people and accept them the way they are if you want to be happy.
All three statements express the same idea, but for most people statement 3 feels a little pushy. If I tell you what my experience is you can say “Yeah, me too,” and that creates a connection between us. If I tell you the advice that Grandma gave me you might think, “What good advice.” It might give you a warm feeling to think about the relationship I had with Grandma and it might make you think about your own grandmother. But if you’re like me, when someone tells you how you should act, your walls will go up, even if you agree.
A lot of songwriters feel like they have something to say and that is a big part of their motivation to write songs. When I listen to developing writers I hear a lot of songs that I call “inspirational pep-talks,” that give advice on how to get the most out of life or deal with hard times. I hear a lot of songs that I call “editorials,” where someone expresses their viewpoint on an issue like homelessness or human rights.
When I listen to the radio or CD’s from major label artists I almost never hear songs like that. Fans don’t go to a concert to hear the artists they idolize lecture them. The artists may also be driven by a desire to impart a message but they choose songs that find a different way to do it.
Some songs tell a story that embodies the message. A good example is the song “Moments” that was a #1 hit for Emerson Drive. It is one of the best expressions I’ve ever found of the idea that, no matter how low someone has sunk, all human life has value. But there is not one statement to that effect in the whole song. It’s just a story about what happens between two men on a bridge one night
In the recent classic “Live Like You Were Dying” the title is the only direct statement of advice and it is given to the singer, not given by the singer directly to the audience. The rest of the song describes the way one man did that
I spoke to a minister recently and he told me that, these days, even preachers are taught to give their message without being preachy. It’s a wonderful thing to express your genuine values and beliefs in your songs, but you will create a better connection with listeners by talking about your own experience or by telling a story than you will by lecturing or giving advice.